Friday, July 21, 2006

anewsing muse

Pamela Anderson denounced a video uploaded Sunday to video host YouTube. The four-minute video depicted the celebrity engaging in sex with two unidentified men and featured both oral and anal sex as well as full frontal nudity. "I'm not an actress," Anderson said. After her publicist threatened legal action, San Francisco-based YouTube pulled the video, but by then it had been online four hours, and downloaded nearly 14,000 times.

In related news, early Monday morning, a large quantity of viscous fluid of unknown composition entered North Korea, taking out a statue of Kim Jong Il outside the Park Sung Girl's School in Pyongyang. The school, better known to Americans as an open proxy for spam, reported no injuries, however, the students, ranging in ages from 12 to 20, burst into tears at the destruction of the image of Beloved Leader. "He makes so many sacrifices for us," said one girl.

North Korean physicists claim that from its trajectory, the source of the liquid, which is semi-translucent and white in color, was the west coast of North America. SAC, NASA and the NSC all disavow responsibility for the projectile, and are at a loss to explain its source.

In response, Kim Jong Il has announced additional funding for development of the"Minh Biga Dong-3" missile, a three-stage warhead capable of reaching North American territory. This rocket requires a 5000-mil rubber band and the strength of 150 thousand North Koreans to launch it, three times what was required for the ill-fated Dong-2.

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