Thursday, December 14, 2006

two weeks no cigs

And doing surprisingly well, too. I've talked with friends who were smoking in front of me, and not been tempted. I've talked with my mom and a cigarette didn't even occur to me. I'm feeling good, incredibly good about myself.

A few days ago, I got extremely close to caving because of some phone calls over my friend who died. Dealing with sad people is tense! The nic fit lasted a couple hours and the mate was instrumental in keeping me away. "Wait until after dinner." "Have some coffee first." :)

The interesting thing about that night was my internal negotiation. I sensed I was somehow pumping up the tension and thinking that only a cigarette would resolve it. The more I pumped the tension the more certain I was that the cigarette was the answer.

At that point I would have had no nicotine in my system, no chemical basis for the urge. It was a habit or dependency urge, something mental.

But getting past that one has blown me the other way and now my confidence that I've really and truly quit for good this time has strengthened. What didn't kill me made me stronger, so to speak. I've dealt with one of the most tension-causing events around, the death of a good friend, and I've done it without a cigarette. Most other things pale in comparison.

A very mysterious side effect is that I'm much more willing to leave food on the plate than before. I do enjoy my food, and my taste buds were usually able to override my stomach, but not anymore, it seems. It's like my stomach's "full" button actually works now. While I have put on some weight due to nonsmoking, if this keeps up I should be able to lose it pretty easily.

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