Monday, March 31, 2008

doing what makes sense

I decided to dump most (though not all) items having to do with the mate's illness and death, and keep the happymaking stuff -- souvenirs from our travels, and the little notes she would write me. I'm keeping a bit of her ashes and any especially important legal papers. I'm keeping her favorite clothes, but looking in the dresser drawer I had to say, a la Charlie Crews: I am not attached to these socks. The illness did have a big influence on our lives and not all of it was negative; it brought better communication, greater committment to each other, and a few new friends. But it's hardly the defining piece of our relationship.

Nor is a person defined by their trappings. She lives in my heart. Her socks don't, and not even her other clothes, and not even the ceramic box. But her love notes do -- things that she created. That is perhaps where the division should be drawn.

I don't know how my new g/f feels about me keeping these things. She certainly understands that the mate meant very much to me. She has no reason to feel insecure, but you never know. When I unpack I will ask.

No comments: